Breaking BLOGNews: Police Surround Star Building

We interrupt your coffee break to bring you this breaking news story from Windsor, Ontario.

Windsor police officers bolstered by local units from the OPP and RCMP with the assistance of Canadian forces elite commandos have surrounded the Windsor Star building on Ferry Street in Windsor today.

Authorities report that in a bloodless coup d'état the Editorial Board of the Windsor Star was captured and overthrown by a posse of whining and naysaying Windsor Star reporters. News of the rebellion was kept secret from even those working within that building and at the Star Way printing facility.

A large section of downtown Windsor has been cordoned off as well. While there was no need to do so because there are no tourists wandering around in the downtown and given the vacancy rates in private buildings, there are hardly any tenants, the authorities felt the need to do so in case an unsuspecting Casino patron happened to leave the premises for some fresh air and got lost.

The news of the revolution only became public after the Star was distributed to its readership this morning. Authorities became concerned about what was taking place at the Star after reading today's Editorial, more specifically, the first paragraph:

• Cleaning up
  Focus on neighbourhoods
  
  Windsor Mayor Eddie Francis and council seem to care more about what strangers and tourists think about this city than you or your family do. They have earmarked significant resources to beautifying streets leading into town while leaving core neighbourhoods -- those places where people live rather than drive through -- blighted with weeds and garbage.
  
  A backlog of complaints about unsightly lots left with the city's bylaw enforcement department has residents in neglected neighbourhoods feeling justifiably frustrated. They wonder why their property taxes are so high when their legitimate complaints about messy lots near their homes go unaddressed for weeks on end by a city ill-prepared to deal with an annual problem...
  
  With a tight budget and a diminishing tax base, this city has to carefully watch every penny it spends...
  
  The issue comes down to priorities. Francis and council have earmarked about $1 million for improvements to "gateway roads" like Dougall and Howard avenues so that people breezing into town get a good first impression. While this is a worthy initiative, it should not be an either/or scenario. If anything, more resources should be devoted to making neighbourhoods more livable and inviting for taxpaying residents.
  
  While it is important Windsor be a great place to visit, it is more important people want to live here too."

The first alarm was actually sent to the Emergency Combined Forces Command Centre from Windsor's City Hall. The Mayor's Office works 18 hours a day on such important matters as threatening lawsuits, the Tunnel Deal and designing questionnaires for commuters whom they wish to send out West to earn money to bring back to Windsor.

An unnamed source within that Office was shocked that the Editorial actually said something significant in its first paragraph rather than at the end and that it was so negative. Immediately, an alarm was sent to the Commander of the Combined Forces who was directed to read the rest of the Editorial.

Several battalions were sent out once the Commander read the negative comments about Windsor's Mayor who was actually named. Normally, in situations such as this, the Editorial Board has never mentioned the word Mayor or used the name "Eddie Francis" but referred generically to City Hall or Council.

It was understood of course that negative Editorials about openness and transparency were allowed since the Editorial Board had to give the appearance of being objective in their coverage of politics in the City. But they were never taken seriously as threats to the Established Order.

Usually reliable sources have claimed that the Sherriff of the posse has been interviewed as a person of interest although no formal charges against him have been laid yet. These sources state that suspicions were raised when the Sheriff did not go fishing with his good Councillor buddy who went to Sudbury supposedly on a fishing trip. Sources wondered whether the Councillor was gathering information to demonstrate conclusively to the Sheriff that Windsor was in serious trouble after the positive press that the City of Sudbury received about their economic redevelopment.

Sources also claim that the Sheriff's "renovations" column may have been a signal that he wanted to tear down the old and to rebuild. He may finally have capitulated since his recent column. "Going green" on July 15, was completely out of character since it praised the Mayor so much without the recent, usual, negative undertones designed to show that he really did not mean it. Interestingly, the rebels attacked the Mayor on precisely the same point IE the spending of money "to beautify the city’s entrance corridors."

There is no doubt, these same sources state, that the Authorities believe that the Sheriff was trying desperately to divert attention away from himself by writing that green column. Moreover, the rebels have hung a flag outside the Star building with the image of Mr. Magoo on it.

In case you do not know who Mr. Magoo was, Wikipedia states:

• "Magoo is a wealthy, short-statured retiree who gets into a series of sticky situations as a result of his nearsightedness, or latent myopia."

The sources note that the Sheriff in his green column talked about the "myopic minority." That was clearly, it is believed, a signal that he was united with his posse in the desire to overthrow the Editorial Board.

Keep watching this BLOGchannel for further news bulletins. We return you now to your regularly scheduled coffee break.