The Teflon Memo
From: the Eminence Greasie
To: His Most Excellent Worship
RE: Blaming Others For It All
You carried out your assignement with near-perfection. In the middle of summer near a week-end and after Council already passed the matter, you held a public meeting to explain that the big increases in rates were everyone's fault but yours. And then to top it off, the beauty to confuse everyone, the next day you said there really was no problem anyway! Brilliant.
However, dear Excellence, have you forgotten the lesson I have taught you: when there is praise to be taken, stand out in front and take it. When there is blame to be taken, let others take it and be invisible. What do you think Ken Lewenza and Max Zalev are for! They are there to take the hit, not you. After all, why was Junior named Chair this year of WUC!
So far, both the Star Editors and Henderson have treated the matter as a non-issue. Since nothing was written, we can assume that the wusses on Council will do little tonight so we have 2 weeks of time to bury the story forever.
However, it's those damn seniors with their small pensions and the BLOGGERS whom we cannot control that we have to worry about. Here are a variety of ways that we can diffuse the issue and actually blame others for it:
WHAT THE F*** WHERE'S THE ISSUE
Oh sure on Thursday we thought there was a problem of the diversion of funds and not keeping our word but by Friday we determined there was none. So what if we cannot figure out things involving millions of taxpayers dollars, there is no reason to be concerned. Heck you only ran a small business not a gigantic operation so how can you be expected to know what to do. Books and records are merely numbers aren't they. People still have water after all.
MONEY WAS DIVERTED
Trust Account, general account. They are only accounts. So what if we told you one thing and did another. It's not like someone ran off to Brazil with the money after all. There was just some confusion which was cleared up overnight. The new bank account idea was great...call it the Levy account and everyone can go back to sleep.
HAVE THE CITY'S AUDIT COMMITTEE EXAMINE WUC
Now that would be a good idea. That's what Audit Committees do after all. The fact that Max Zalev is a member of the Audit Committee and WUC Acting General Manager is his problem not yours.
WHERE'S THE THANKS
After all of these years of keeping taxes and rates artificially low, you get no thanks. Now we are just bringing things back to where they should be since you may get another job elsewhere and don't care. We are just paying a tiny bit more for our delays. That's no reason to dump on you. Where's the gratitude for the past? So what if the FRAM oil filter commercial is correct: Instead of paying him now, we can pay him later. And how!
IT'S ALL HARPERS' FAULT
If he had increased the pensions to Seniors they could afford to pay the huge increase without moaning and groaning about it. Heck, they can go live in the County with City Administrators if they don't like the taxes and rates here. Just wait until we get amalgamation and fool them all!
IT'S ALL SANDRA'S FAULT
Sure you supported her nomination. But now that there is a crisis, she can be blamed for everything since she is the weak link and won't dare fight back. She is our scapegoat. You see, it is Provincial downloading that is at fault and is taking up so much money for taxes. The City should be given new ways to tax people just as Toronto is being allowed to do so. We need equality of being able to have new taxes imposed on Windsorites to protect politicians from their own mistakes.
IT IS ALL COUNCIL'S FAULT
Come on, get real. There were more of them on WUC Committees than just the Mayor. Why they outnumbered him. If they are so smart, why didn't they pick up on the problem. It's because they were part of it.
Do you really think that they are going to set up an Independent inquiry to examine themselves that might demonstrate that they were negligent or worse! Heck, there may not even be a quorum possible because Councillors could say they have a conflict of interest and cannot vote on the matter. Nothing like using the Procedural By-law to paralyze Council!
IF ALL ELSE FAILS
Blame the Bridge Co. Say that you have had to spend so much time fighting the City's "enemy" and preserving the citizens' quality of life that you just did not have the time to devote yourself to this problem. After all, you work so many hours a day now making the simplest things complicated like the Capitol Theatre!
As I have pointed out, if this tempest in a teapot is managed properly, you will come out smelling like a rose in the City of Roses. But for Heaven's sake, the only meetings that you can attend are the in camera ones from now on.
Your most humble and obediant servant,