The Secret Border Memos Exposed

It just did not happen. It took a lot of effort, pleading and cajoling. I explained that it was for the good of our regional economy, for the well-being of hundreds of thousands of workers and millions of residents.

I told him/her (I cannot even reveal the gender of my source these days with witch-hunts going on for leaks) that he/she had to do it for the good of Canada, to become a "whistleblower."

AHHHHHHHHH that was the magic word that did it! Now I can disclose the top secret memos:

TOP SECRET
From: Prime Minister Stephen Harper
To: Transport Minister Lawrence Cannon

Larry, what has happened? I made you effectively the Deputy PM and the Minister responsible for Quebec and what is the result? The SES-Sun survey shows we are bombing in Quebec. Our "public opinion has tanked by a whopping 11 points to 17% from 28% last month, almost all of it moving to the Liberals."

Mon ami....stop wasting so much time on that Windsor matter, find us some cash and start buying support in Quebec with taxpayer money!

From: Transport Minister Cannon
To: Faceless Bureaucrat
CC: Prime Minister Harper

As you know, I am spending almost no time whatsoever on the Windsor Border matter. I have never been down there to tour the facilities and I have never yet met with the Bridge Co. notwithstanding the fact that they are a major border operator and have invited me many times to meet.

As the Prime Minister said, it's time we walked away from that border mess and focused on matters of national importance---our re-election. Figure out how we can do it and save face, whom we can blame and FIND ME SOME MONEY!

From: Faceless Bureaucrat
To: Transport Minister Cannon
CC: Prime Minister Harper

Minister, the money part is easy. The Windsor border was allocated $300M from the Province and ourselves under the Border Infrastructure Fund to build a road to the Ambassador Bridge, an existing border crosssing. We have not spent one single penny to do so.

As you know the program ends in Septermber, 2007 and since we are not going to do anything, our share of that money is immediately available for use in Quebec.

To silence critics, we can say that the money was rolled-in as part of the $400M in the Budget that we allocated for roads, which of course we have NEVER committed to spend! Just like with the Toronto subway.

This action should make the Province happy since they have to find cash to put into some dumb urban village/University Engineering complex deal if they want to save their 2 Ministers' seats in Windsor.

Naturally, we will pin this on the Windsor Mayor and Council (and the Province will go along I am certain) arguing that the program has expired since in five years they were never able to work out a border solution. Naturally we will keep the door open, inviting them to contact us when they figure out what they want to do.

I expect that it will take at least another decade for anyone to agree on anything down there. In the meantime, the Bridge Co. will keep on solving border problems and we can keep on saying it is a national priority for us.

I expect that most Windsorites will accept this. After all, how long did it take to get an arena built there and the E C Row!

I have drafted a short Press Release to justify what we are doing. A copy is below:

• CANADA'S NEW GOVERNMENT SHELVES DRIC PROCESS
  
  "The Government of Canada and Transport Canada have growing concerns about the direction of the DRIC study and the delivery of a timely, affordable solution to the border issues. These concerns include the ultimate cost of a new bridge, the community disruption that its construction would cause, and how quickly it can be completed.
  
  Accordingly, after discussions with our governmental colleagues in Washington, Michigan and Toronto, we have decided to withdraw as a participant on the DRIC study.
  
  These growing concerns are also prompted by the recently passed Constitutional amendment on Eminent Domain in Michigan, as well as community disruption concerns and the effect of emerging federal, state and provincial budget and revenue forecasts.

  Traffic volumes have dropped dramatically and we see no significant increases occurring in the near future to justify spending billions of taxpayer dollars. We are working in the meantime with our US friends to take measures to beef up security at the border including re-examining Shared Border Management and reverse customs."

I trust that this approach meets your needs and that of the Prime Minister.