Gong Show Players Return

Laurel and Hardy, Abbot and Costello, Martin and Lewis, Crosby and Hope were fortunate they were not around. The dynamic comedy duo from Queen's Park and their booking agent are back in town!

It's getting close to "the time when politicos decide on their campaign strategy for the next Provincial election.

Clearly the Liberals have decided that comedy is the best way to win the seats in Windsor so they brought back the GONG SHOW boys for an encore performance.

Yes comedy fans, Infrastructure Minister David Caplan and Minister of Energy and local boy made good, Dwight "Spanky" Duncan, have brought back their hilarious act and have launched their roadtrip in Windsor at a meeting a few days ago. [Note it took place at a breakfast meeting so not too many people would see it in order to get the funny lines down just right]

You remember the last time they performed in Windsor in May, 2005. Their act was the talk of the town for days and days. No one could believe that Ministers could be that foolish:

• "The province has committed $800 million to border infrastructure in the Windsor-Detroit corridor between now and 2013 following the recommendations of the Schwartz Report.
  
  Ontario Infrastructure Renewal Minister David Caplan made the surprise announcement Wednesday at Energy Minister Dwight Duncan's constituency office.
  
  "The McGuinty government is fully supportive of the vision and investments recommended in the report by Sam Schwartz," said Caplan, who made the announcement on the same day he announced a five-year investment of $30 billion in the province's infrastructure.
  
  "There is a commitment," Caplan said.
  
  "There is total support. We're totally in."

Now I can remember just howling at that funny last line at the time, It was so absurd that no one could have taken them seriously. But the boys topped it off the next day with something even wilder if you can believe it:

• "Ontario infrastructure minister David Caplan apologized Thursday for revealing a closed-door government decision to spend $500 million beyond 2010 for new infrastructure to fix Windsor's border problems.
  
  The funding was announced by Caplan and MPP Dwight Duncan (L -- Windsor-Tecumseh) late Wednesday in a hastily arranged news conference inside Duncan's cramped constituency office...
  
  MPP Sandra Pupatello (L -- Windsor West), who was not present for the announcement, said Caplan was in Windsor for a private party function with Duncan when he decided to speak to the media about Renew Ontario...
  
  The announcement should have been made in a more formal setting and through Premier Dalton McGuinty, she said.
  
  "Minister Caplan regretted it and apologized this morning," Pupatello said...
  
  A day after the revelation of what he called his "big secret," Duncan was said by his spokeswoman Thursday to be too busy to talk."

Who are their comedy writers? Jay Leno should hire them on the spot.The guys are about the funniest politicans around too. I am sure that Sandra Pupatello just about burst a gut laughing last time they performed together in Windsor when she was not at the initial "good news" meeting.

Well the boys have topped themselves. Their routine this time is funnier than before. They are pretending that Bill C-3 has not passed and pumping themselves up so that everyone thinks that they have a role in what is decided at the border.

I bet that Transport Canada Minister is laughing so hard that he cannot even pick up the phone to tell Minister Cansfield, clearly their booking agent since she comes to Windsor monthly to line up gigs for them here, that he wants them for the next Parliamentary Press Gallery satire night.

Laugh along with the Ontario Ministers as you hear them say:

• "Caplan noted the province is $100 billion behind in meeting its infrastructure needs, so whether future funds will be available for recreational projects is questionable.
  
  The minister, who attended a Windsor and District Chamber of Commerce breakfast meeting at the Caboto Club, said Ontario is urging the federal government not to allow private ownership of the next Windsor-Detroit border crossing.
  
  “Our priority is to maintain control over public assets and ownership of core ones,” Caplan said. “There may be opportunities to have a (private) partnership, but control is the most important thing...
  
  “The feds are leading the discussion (on construction and funding for the next crossing),” Caplan said. “We are trying to convince them the kind of framework and policy principles we have are the correct ones. We hope they take us up on our offer to work collaboratively on this...”
  
  Local MPP Dwight Duncan (Windsor Tecumseh) agreed public ownership must be in place at the new bridge.
  
  "There is an opportunity for private investment," Duncan said. "But at end of day this is a major piece of infrastructure that should belong to all people on both sides of the border.
  
  "We will proceed on that basis."

The huge show closing line by Minister Caplan nearly brought the house down

• "Even if we shut down government for an entire year, we couldn't pay for what we need," he said."

In comments afterwards to be used in the Liberal advertising campaing for the comedy routine and election, a rep of the Bridge Co., wiping away tears of laughter said:

• "These guys are just such great kidders!
  
  This is the funniest thing I have ever heard Government say on the border crossing for a long time. I know that the Ministers know as do the Feds that the Ambassador Bridge Co. has spent about $500 million of its money to date getting ready for its Enhancement program and are ready to spend another half billion more once it gets its approvals.
  
  Now that's how an eighty-year public/private partnerhsip works
  
  What a huge joke it would be if Ontario and Canada paid out money for what the Bridge Co. is prepared to pay for with PRIVATE dollars. I am sure that taxpayers would be rolling on the floor guffawing as their taxes increased to spend billions on the new public crossing and multi-millions every year on operating losses!"

Oh my goodness...I just had a terrible thought. What if this was not a comedy but a serious drama. What if the 2 Ministers actually meant it. Oh my, what a tragedy for us then. Fortunately, the language of Bill C-3 will protect us from the Province:

• "International bridges and tunnels are declared to be works for the general advantage of Canada."

No wonder Vaudeville died!